The Day-to-Day Maintenance of Being Alive

You know what really grinds my gears...

If Everything Everywhere All At Once is correct and nothing matters, why do I have to go to the gym every day?

I’m a bit resentful that our lives are so sedentary. Four times a week, I have to spend an hour and a half picking things up and setting them down to be “in shape” when all our ancestors had to do was pick berries and hunt for food. I know what you’re thinking, but forget about the slavey business real quick and focus on the modern-day tragedy: the day-to-day maintenance of being alive.

What a silly, first-world problem gripe, but I stand by it. Lifting weights is repetitive and monotonous, yet it’s expected from all of us. There are tons of these minor inconveniences that drive me crazy. You’re telling me I’m really expected to floss every day until I’m dead?!

I didn’t sign up for this! Let’s normalize laziness! The hottest way to be hot is a cute, soft lil belly! I’m canceling my gym membership right now!

Just kidding, because I do love a good spin class. My instructor is named Dollar T and he plays a lot of Beyoncé and Usher rather than the EDM b.s. Also, he is so hot. I call him my Gym Daddy. Yes, I have a slight crush. Yes, my boyfriend is jealous.

I got my portrait drawn by a clown at a warehouse party.

There’s no punchline. That’s just what happened.

I’ve been obsessively playing Settlers of Catan online, so you might say I’m in my colonizer era. 22% of my ancestors must be so proud.

The Beyhive is under attack! Amazon Prime’s new show Swarm is a darkly satirical take on the obsessive nature of stans. It follows a character named Dre whose favorite artist, Ni’Jah, bares far too many similarities to Beyoncé for my comfort. And if you talk shit about Dre’s queen on the internet, she will hunt you down and smack you over the head with a cast iron skillet. I’ve only seen two episodes but it’s safe to say I’m absolutely obsessed with it.

My YouTube channel is back! Subscribe if ya want, idc, nothing matters!

And that’s all folks!

I battled intense allergies this week so I was pretty head empty. No deep thoughts when you’re fighting for your life.