it's flop awareness month!

Be extra kind to all the flops in your life!

Sorry, BLMers! Black History Month is out, and Flop Awareness Month is in.

We all have flops (derogatory) in our lives. Flops are mothers, aunts, and uncles, gays and they’s and he’s and she’s. And if a flop doesn’t come to mind, I hate to break it to you but most likely, it's you. You’re the flop.

And I’m here to say, it’s okay. This is a safe space for floppers, a Flop Anonymous Forum, if you will. I’ve even made up a mantra for you to chant with your morning affirmations.

“2023, the flop is me!”

If you say that in the mirror three times, Kamala Harris appears Bloody-Mary style and attempts to comfort you in a disarming and approachable manner, but ultimately fails because she is the Vice President of the United States of America and doesn’t have time to coddle you so after a few awkward chuckles she’s just going to give it to you straight. I also imagine she has cold hands.

How To Know If You’re A Flop:

1. You’re not Beyoncé. She couldn’t flop if she tried. You, on the other hand, couldn’t work up the willpower to brush your teeth before bed last night.

2. You’re alive. We’ll all disappear into dust one day and none of your accomplishments will mean anything to anyone. We’re born into a flop world. Even if you’re not a flop now, we’ll all flop eventually as a race. Take comfort in this. Surrender to your flop fate.

I am at peace with my flopdom, and I hope one day you will be too.

Have you heard of Millennial Graycore?

Gen Z is roasting us.

It’s nothing new. Every generation shits on the one before. Take Boomers and Gen Xers for instance. What’s with all the writing checks and “back in my day” and not wanting to answer a face time call unless they have a full face of makeup on and public temper tantrums where a racist slur gets thrown out?

See, they’re easy targets. And now that we’re aging up, so are we.

We were annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter. Let’s just admit it. I hate that I have the Deathly Hallows tattoo’d on my arm because I’m immediately clockable as a thirty-something. Also J.K. Rowling sucks now. Never meet your heroes something something.

Anyway, have you heard of Millenial Graycore? You’ve seen it before, I swear. It’s that practicing minimalism in theory energy meets recently-flipped-house-by-someone-who-doesn’t-know-how-to-decorate low effort. You know, the blank walls, white or gray cabinets, and that awful gray vinyl plank with matching monotone artwork from Ross.

Some of you were caught in the crossfire of that one and are probably looking around your apartment right now in shock. I’m so sorry, but yes, you are a stereotype. Here’s a hilarious TikTok about it.

@chloeisagInsomnia and it’s consequences. *****spoiler***** No one is safe from the spread of……. millennial grey-core. What are you doing to stop the spread⁉️ #houseflipping #mexicanrestaurant #livelaughlove #hobbylobbyfinds #the1975

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But in good news! According to Twitter, it’s a trauma response to our parents.

ashley fairbanks @ziibiing

Millennial greycore is simply a traumatized reaction to our mother’s faux Tuscan style kitchens. We crave minimalism because of all the damn chickens.

I hope with this new understanding, we can begin to break these generational curses.

Anyway, what’s the tea this week?

I celebrated far too many birthdays in the last 9 days. Please stop being born.

Check out my first byline in LGBTQ Nation, a feature on Billy Porter’s episode of FOX’s Accused.

That’s it. Flop week, wow.

What Flops Here Changes the World

See you next week, flop friend!